Garlic Knot: "I'm Like That"

My dog never gets sick of eating chicken. The guy couldn't care less. I respect that.

My girlfriend is gone, tonight, so it's just me and the guys in the apartment. Guys' night in. Me, my cat, and my dog. Just sitting around and sniffing stuff and preening and dozing off. We're really something, the three of us. Just guys.

Tomorrow is picture day at school, and I am in serious need of a haircut. I fear that my picture will be an abomination. My wardrobe has really gone down the tubes, this year. I am wearing stuff from my 2008 line. It's boring, but I am broke and short on time. My shoes are scuffed up and look like they belong on an old man. I really need to clean up my act.

I saw Jackass 3D. It was like any other Jackass movie. I enjoyed it. I saw it with a couple of friends. We went to the Beekman Theater, on 66th and 2nd Ave. That theater rules. It's slightly hidden and only has two screens, but it's big and clean and new, and it doesn't get too crowded (it seems). After the movie, I gave my friend a flask that's shaped like a cell phone and filled with J&B scotch. Then we tried to find a basic pub so that we could eat and drink a little, but the upper east side offers no such thing. They just have Italian restaurants that charge $30 a plate, and fancy bistros. We walked around for 45 minutes and eventually gave up. If you don't have a lot of money, you can't hang out in that neighborhood, unless you are going to the pharmacy or a standard pizza place.

Once my friends and I parted ways, I went to a standard pizza place, and this lady kept offering me her garlic knots. She was very gracious. I accepted, and as I was putting the garlic knot into my mouth, she said, "I put salt on it." I was repulsed. But I choked it down, out of respect. As I swallowed, I thanked her. She said, "No problem. I always share my food. I'm like that." Then, this drunk young guy came into the pizza shop and started asking the guy at the counter if the cookies and other pastries were real. Then, he said something to the garlic knot lady, and she said, "Oh I know you're not talking to me!" And he walked out and said, "This guy gets it," and he pointed at me. I replied, "Yeah, I get it," and then I almost said something like, "...I get that you're stupid," but I held back, and the garlic knot lady said, "I get that you're stupid," and then, to me, "He walkin' around drunk, livin' off his mama." The whole situation made me feel nothing, really, but that lady was very nice to share her food.

The moral of the story is, Don't go to the upper east side on a Saturday night, because you'll end up with a boring story to tell.