The Hag

My girlfriend made the chicken parmesan meal I was talking about. I guess I have to see Paranormal Activity 2 with her, now. Shit. I'm doomed. I'm doomed to fear demons for 3 weeks straight.

The chicken parmesan came out pretty good. She cooked the chicken perfectly. I was impressed. The penne pasta tasted delightful, as well. You know what doesn't taste delightful? Demon breath, as the demon pins you down while you're sleeping. The hag demon. God, how I fear the hag. I hope to never be victimized by the hag. Have you ever heard of the hag? That's the old lady demon creature that climbs on top of you when you're sleeping and makes you feel paralyzed. The hag is so selfish. The trick with the hag is that you have to blur your vision and look at her another way, and she looks like a pretty young woman. Not everybody knows that, though. I saw a lady on TV who was tortured by the hag for years, and the only way she could make it stop was by receiving therapy from a shaman. Get a load of that, huh? I never want that to happen to me. So unfair. Demons have extraordinary superpowers and signature moves.

The worst part is, the more you think about the demons, the more you let them into your home. It's like that movie, Skeleton Key, where the lady is in the house, and she doesn't believe, but then she believes a little, which causes her to eventually host the fiery demon. That's why I don't want to see Paranormal Activity 2. If I see a movie like that, I'll think about it all the time for the following 14-21 days. My girlfriend can watch that sort of movie and immediately move on with her life. I watch a movie like that and I need a shaman to deliver me from evil.

I hope I am never possessed by an evil spirit. Body possession is immoral. It's a form of bullying, and I won't stand for it.