Sunday, February 27, 2011


We had our Christmas tree well into February. I cannot accurately describe the profound shame I experienced while carrying our tree outside. As the cadaverous tree fell upon the sidewalk trash pile, my family name fell into disrepute.


Free Stuff

There is this spot in our apartment building where people put free stuff. We wanted to get rid of this dumb cat bed and some dumb dog food, so we put the stuff in the aforementioned spot. I attached this note to the stuff.

The next day, the dog food was all over the floor, and my note was torn. Someone took the cat bed, though.

I Wish I Just Bought Carlo Rossi or Something

Never drink this particular brand of wine. It tastes like bleh. Seriously.

My girlfriend and I made lasagna the other night, and while we were buying ingredients at the local Pioneer supermarket, we decided to buy a couple of bottles of Chateau Diana, to complement the meal. We knew it was cheap wine, but we figured it would still taste okay, like "Two Buck Chuck" (Charles Shaw), or something. Nope. It tastes disgusting.

It's too sweet. That's the main problem. I immediately knew something was wrong when I first poured it out of the bottle. I approached my girlfriend in a very professional manner, like a sommelier, and gave her a test pour. Instead of looking dark and robust, the 1981 Chateau Diana looked like watered down Boku. Then, when it hit my girlfriend's lips, she was immediately repelled, as it transformed her mouth into a nauseous barf-bistro.

"Chateau Diana Merlot boasts of deep, dark fruit and possesses aspects of cherry and cocoa. The warm oak components continue on to a long, smooth, velvety finish."

Yes. Warm oak components, indeed. I might have missed the velvety finish while I was gagging, convulsively.

I just noticed that, on the front label, it calls itself a "Merlot Wine Product." It's not even legit enough to call itself wine. I need to be more careful about reading labels.

I know I only paid about six dollars for this bottle, but I expected to at least be able to choke it down.

On the bright side, I added some to my lasagna sauce, and its aspects of cherry and cocoa really brought the whole meal to a state of perfection. So it has some redeeming qualities as a cooking wine.

Otherwise, it's vomitous.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Bigtime Photo Shoot

My cat, Superman, recently had his first American Apparel photo shoot. This guy's a real piece of work. He did a nice job. I'm proud of him. If only he'd stop vindictively punching my dog in the face.

It is a little warmer now, so that means rain can happen. This displeases me. Rain has pretty much nothing to offer the world. Use science to refute that statement if you want, but I stand by my words: Rain is useless.

The previous paragraph is so boring. I'm ashamed of it. And I don't even agree that rain is useless. I didn't mean that. It's just incredibly irritating sometimes, and I hate being damp and cold.

I finally got a haircut. The lady who cuts my hair does a nice job. She's a good conversationalist. Today, we spoke about NYC education.

It's February break, so, since I'm a teacher, I have some time off. It's great. I have had all this time to relax and do tasks that I don't normally have the time to do. Tomorrow, I will go to the teachers' store, Barclays, and get some stuff. The people that work there have no tolerance for anyone that comes remotely close to staying until closing time. They really push you out of there early. It's obnoxious. Bunch of weirdos.

I've been drinking this Haitian beer, called Prestige. It makes me feel like an illustrious character.

This blog entry is completely uninspired. Sorry about that. I really just wanted to show that picture of my cat.