Sunday, February 27, 2011

I Wish I Just Bought Carlo Rossi or Something

Never drink this particular brand of wine. It tastes like bleh. Seriously.

My girlfriend and I made lasagna the other night, and while we were buying ingredients at the local Pioneer supermarket, we decided to buy a couple of bottles of Chateau Diana, to complement the meal. We knew it was cheap wine, but we figured it would still taste okay, like "Two Buck Chuck" (Charles Shaw), or something. Nope. It tastes disgusting.

It's too sweet. That's the main problem. I immediately knew something was wrong when I first poured it out of the bottle. I approached my girlfriend in a very professional manner, like a sommelier, and gave her a test pour. Instead of looking dark and robust, the 1981 Chateau Diana looked like watered down Boku. Then, when it hit my girlfriend's lips, she was immediately repelled, as it transformed her mouth into a nauseous barf-bistro.

"Chateau Diana Merlot boasts of deep, dark fruit and possesses aspects of cherry and cocoa. The warm oak components continue on to a long, smooth, velvety finish."

Yes. Warm oak components, indeed. I might have missed the velvety finish while I was gagging, convulsively.

I just noticed that, on the front label, it calls itself a "Merlot Wine Product." It's not even legit enough to call itself wine. I need to be more careful about reading labels.

I know I only paid about six dollars for this bottle, but I expected to at least be able to choke it down.

On the bright side, I added some to my lasagna sauce, and its aspects of cherry and cocoa really brought the whole meal to a state of perfection. So it has some redeeming qualities as a cooking wine.

Otherwise, it's vomitous.


  1. "Wine product" means it's been altered to conform to the alcohol content limits that allow beer to be sold in grocery stores but not vodka. So yes, it's literally watered down.