Thursday, August 5, 2010

Physical Fitness

I'll tell you, there is nothing nicer than a brisk exercise session, with your pet dog, in the park. It's very primal. Very primal. I have been going out every morning, with young Franklin, to Prospect Park, where we jog and sometimes caper. Also--this is new--we have been riding bikes in the park. I ride my bike and attach Franklin's leash to my seat post, and I max out his top speed. It's totally satisfying to watch your dog reach his max speed, especially after he has been stuck in the doggy crate the whole night. In case you're wondering, Franklin's top speed is 19 mph. I feel like he could go faster if his wind-dragging tongue weren't hanging from his mouth. When my dog's tongue is hanging out of his mouth, he looks goofy. When he keeps it in his mouth, he looks handsome and austere.

Franklin's least favorite part of the morning exercise sesh (or, as I like to call it, "gym class") is when we stop at the hobo beach and I do push-ups in the dirty sand, among the goose droppings. I tie Franklinstein to a pole and he watches me do the push-ups. It's not much fun for him. Cesar Millan does not mention anything about push-ups being a natural dog need/tendency. Franklin just sits there and whines a little bit, while I perform reps and say "No!" to him, utilizing a calm, assertive tone.

This reminds me of a funny Mitch Hedberg joke: "Dogs are forever in the push-up position." Indeed. And mine has to watch me do push-ups in goose shit.

If I saw Cesar Millan in person, I would go bananas. That guy's awesome.

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