Sunday, May 30, 2010

Mr. Slice

I learned about the comic/actor, Joe Rogan, tonight. I was watching UFC on Spike, earlier in the day, and I was thinking, Gee, it's weird how Joe Rogan used to be a comedian, but now he is a UFC commentator. So I asked my girlfriend about Joe Rogan, and she explained that he still does stand-up, and that he fights for comedians' rights by heckling Carlos Mencia for stealing jokes from people. I had never heard about that whole scandal. So I went on YouTube and watched a video of Rogan calling out Mencia on stage at a comedy club. It was interesting. Rogan seems like a good guy, and I like how he handled the confrontation. I guess it's easy to confront people when you're all UFC'd out. I wouldn't fuck with Joe Rogan. Next thing you know, you got Kimbo Slice comin' atcha with threshing fists, giving you a mouse under your eye.

Sometimes I picture calling out sick for work and having Kimbo Slice sub for my classes. That would be sweet. Give the kids a good scare.

I killed a house centipede tonight. I don't like killing those, because I respect them, but it needed to be done. I have a duty to defend my girlfriend against all bugs, because they bring her overwhelming terror. I respect house centipedes, because they are our friends, and they eat many common pests, such as the cockroach. I also think that house centipedes have beautiful, long legs that are delicate, yet powerful. They have venom, you know. They need the venom to expunge their prey. They can live for something like eight years, I think. That's crazy. I respect them profoundly, like I do spiders. Very impressive creatures of the world. You know that part in the movie, Dune, where the guy rides on top of the worm? That would be me, on top of a house centipede, if they became giants, and if I had the spice. That would be me, feeling a bond with the centipede and riding proudly on its powerful torso, its blurry legs rippling on either side of me and carrying us along at high speeds.

The movie, Dune, is weird. I think it has Sting in it. And force fields. And a talking baby. And a fat guy that hovers.

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